Confessions of a Kirkwall Barmaid Alternate Ending
by RangerGiselle
Summary: If you wanted Norah to choose differently, this is the alternate ending to Confessions. If you haven't read Chapters 1-48 of Confessions, then STOP! This is not a stand-alone story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 49: The Journey Home

As predicted, Fenris and I are given separate cabins on the ship and we don't see much of each other during the voyage. I guess the Chantry probably wouldn't approve of our sleeping arrangements prior to leaving. Which is funny when you think about it - Andraste had been already been married to a mortal man when the Maker took her as his bride. It always sounded a little sordid to me for an organization that asks their templars and sisters to take a vow of chastity.

I finally get my chance to talk to Leliana. She tells me of her friend, although she does not name her. I remember the stories about how Leliana traveled with the Hero of Ferelden, and the others who helped her stop the Blight. I bet I can guess who she's talking about, but I might be wrong.

The information she provides is mostly the same as I've already learned. The most practiced method of dealing with an abomination is to kill the host. There is some belief that being made Tranquil can force the spirit out. She does give me one bit of useful information, however.

"The Avvar have a different relationship with spirits. I remember hearing stories of how they worship them almost like gods. My friend says she has learned of a ritual practiced in some clans. It allows a spirit, if it and the host are both willing, to leave the host body without further harm."

"And this doesn't depend on the length of the possession?"

"She didn't think so, although the longer spirits are out of the Fade and have contact with mortals, the more chance that they become corrupted and turn into a demon. I doubt a demon would be willing to submit to such a thing."

"Thank you, Leliana. It's more than I had," I say.

"Oh, I suppose there is one more thing, but I don't know if it can help you. The Divine has been instructing some of her followers to research things, and in particular, she has one researcher looking into the Rite of Tranquility. We may learn more from their studies, should it come to that for your friend."

"He considers Tranquility a fate worse than death. I doubt he'd ever let that happen, but thanks for the information anyway."

The trip home by ship takes less than half the time it had taken us to get there. Before I know it, the ship is pulling into the harbor. It's a bright sunny day, and the seas are surprisingly calm. We arrive in the late morning. I say my goodbyes to Leliana, and we board the smaller boats that take us ashore. Stepping off the boat and standing on the Kirkwall docks again, I feel a tingle of excitement. _I can't believe I missed this stench. I'm home._

Fenris walks up next to me, and stops. I smile up at him, and he returns it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a familiar green shimmer appearing and my grin widens. "Cat's here," I say to Fenris. He looks around but doesn't seem to pick out her shape. "She's good at hiding. I'm going to head home so I can talk to her."

"Home," he says, his smile faltering. I know he's thinking about Anders, who probably still lives at my place. "Yes, I should speak with Aveline. I had her watching for something while I was gone." We both start walking back toward Lowtown. The damage done in the Qunari uprising seems to have mostly been repaired, but there are a few piles of rubble that remain as reminders of the skirmish.

We reach my street, and I have an idea. "I don't have a job there anymore, but we could meet up later at the Hanged Man?" I suggest. "I'm sure everyone will want to see you."

"Maybe," he says, noncommittal.

"Alright," I say, a little disappointed. I can't really ask more of him right now when even I don't know what's going to happen. I turn to head toward my house, already missing his familiar presence.

"Norah, wait," he says. I turn to look back. He runs his hand over his hair in what I now know is a nervous gesture. I say nothing, but wait for him to speak. "If you...if things do not go well, I have room for you at my mansion if you have need."

"Thanks," I say, giving a small bow of my head. "I may have two houses, but I'm not sure if I can use either of them right now."

With one last look, he turns and walks back toward Hightown. I head down the street from my place, to where I stashed a spare key. It's hidden in a small compartment in the bottom of a lamppost. Thankfully, it's still there.

I feel my heart beating wildly as I put the key in the lock and turn it. I open the door, and am slightly relieved to find no one home. The bed is made, which it hadn't been the day I left. I'm struck with a memory of that last morning. Being here makes it feel real again.

From the looks of things, Anders hasn't used this space in a while. A tiny layer of dust coats some of the surfaces. _Maybe he had too many memories here, too._

Cat appears next to me. "He's not here, you know."

"I can see that. I'm happy you're here, Cat," I say, and open my arms to embrace her. She allows it, but doesn't return it.

"What's wrong, Cat? What's happened?"

She thinks for a moment before responding. "It's probably better if you just see it for yourself. He's at his clinic."

"Alright, let me get changed first," I say, and move to find something else to wear. I've been wearing my leathers so long they're starting to feel like a second skin. I find a simple dress, the one I wore when I first went to see Orsino. _The day Anders had come back from the Deep Roads_. I remember his face as he was frantically looking for me, sure that I'd run into trouble. My heart is heavy. _I need to see him._

Recent events have made me extra cautious. I'm not leaving the house without my daggers and my staff both. I swap out the apprentice staff for the one I had taken from Nikolaus. This one really does feel good in my hands. I'm not sure what enchantments have been laid upon it, but magic hums through it. I throw a light cloak over myself to hide the weapons and head back out.

Cat and I find our way easily through Darktown. I see no sign of the Carta, but then again, we aren't near my safehouse. I make a mental note to check on Telun when I get a chance.

 _I really need to check on everyone_. Fenris was right, Talon still presents a threat. I don't know what that means for my stay in Kirkwall, but I'm not leaving this time without at least telling everyone about the danger. I feel a sense of guilt, wondering how the others had taken my disappearance. Had Anders or Corff told them about us leaving?

I climb the final set of stairs that lead up to the clinic. The door is open, and a man is walking out. I don't know him, and I wait until he leaves before I enter. Anders is the only one here now. He stands over his table, looking at documents. It's only been a few weeks, but he looks older, more haggard. His hair has grown again, and I think he may have lost weight. His robes are different, too. _Black? That's new._ He doesn't look up.

"Hello," I say, suddenly nervous.

His eyes flick upwards looking at me, then over to Cat. _Seems he can see her just fine now too, even when she's hiding._ "She told me you were back," he says.

"Yes. Colette won't be a threat anymore," I say. "There's more we need to discuss, though."

"I'm listening," he states, looking back at his desk. _Cold. I guess maybe I deserve that._

I decide it's best to just forge ahead with it. "I didn't come back empty handed," I say. "I found an old contact from my days in the Game, and I learned of a possible way to separate you and Justice."

"That won't be necessary anymore," he says, looking at me with a serious expression. "Justice and I are one now. He's helping me do things I wouldn't have been able to do without him."

My jaw drops. "Horseshit," I say, getting angry. "That's him talking, not you." He frowns at me, but I step closer. "I did not go through what I did just to lose you to him now."

He blinks a few times, and his expression turns a little sad. "You were right to leave. I never thought in a million years I'd be grateful that someone else was in love with my girl, but I trust Fenris to take care of you."

 _Ouch._ My guilt weighs on me. "I...I'm not with Fenris," I say, and remember saying something similar to him before.

"He loves you, it's obvious. You could be happy. There's nothing left for you here, Norah."

"Really?" I say, my hurt feelings conveyed in my tone. "That's the way you want it, you'd rather send me to someone else?" _This isn't the Anders I remember. Did my leaving cause this?_

Isabela calls from the doorway. "I hope I'm not interrupting something. Oh poo, looks like I'm not. Seriously, puss, he's been a grouchy shit since you left. I was hoping things would be more fun around here with you back in town."

"Isabela, it's good to see you too. I was worried when I didn't see you before the Qunari thing."

She grimaces. "Yeah, about that...uh, never mind."

"Was there a reason you came?" asks Anders, a bit impatiently.

"I ran into Fenris, he told me Norah was back. I figured I'd find her here. Puss, he told me not to tell you, but Aveline found his sister. He's going to meet her at the Hanged Man as we speak."

"I told him I would go with him - why would he not want me to know?" I wonder - then I look over at Anders, and realization dawns on me. _He wanted to give me time with Anders_. "Sorry, Anders, I have to go, but this conversation is not over."

I look at Cat, and she nods in agreement to my unasked question. "I'll stay with him. Just come back, okay?"

I hurry to the Hanged Man, my mind racing. _I can't believe Anders just now. He didn't even sound like himself. He's never been cold like that to me before. What happened while I was gone?_ I remember the way he hadn't reacted at all when I walked in the room, and I feel angry. _What did you expect, Norah? For him to run to you and kiss you like one of Varric's ridiculous serials? You told him good-bye, to not wait for you._ I sigh. _Damn it._

 _First Anders going all icy on me, then Fenris didn't even tell me about his sister? What is it with the men in my life and being idiots? I promised him I'd help._ I send a hope that things are going well with the meeting and pick up my steps, trying to get to the bar faster. Thinking about Fenris makes me realize he's been there for me a lot, but he doesn't often lean on me. Every time something went wrong, like when Anders left me the first time, Fenris was the one there to help me pick up the pieces and understand things better. He went all the way to Orlais just to help me settle things with Colette, and didn't even object when I decided to let her walk away. I want him to be able to lean on me, as well. I need to help him with this.

Anders's statement, "you could be happy", sticks with me. On the way back to Kirkwall, all I could think about was seeing Anders, telling him what I'd learned, excited to give him the answer I'd been looking for. As usual, I got so focused on the one task ahead of me that I hadn't really thought farther than that.

 _I want to help Anders, yes, but what if he, or Justice, won't let me?_ _He didn't even seem interested in hearing what I'd learned._ _What if it really is too late for us?_ _I don't want to abandon him, not with his problem with Justice._ My heart hurts, and I don't want to think about it anymore, but something else comes to mind. Fenris, on the roof of the Hanged Man, telling me he thought my mother would just want me to be happy. _Am I happy?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 50: The Wrong Thing

Reaching the Hanged Man at last, I quickly open the doors. Fenris is already here, with Hawke, Aveline, and Varric. Corff is missing from behind the counter. _He's never gone; what's going on?_

Fenris growls out, "Shut your mouth, Danarius."

The mage in front of him replies, "The word is _master._ " _Oh shit, Danarius?_

I release the clasp on my cloak and toss it into the corner. I free my staff from my back and make ready for battle. Danarius runs into the back hallway, and several men attack us. _These men must be Danarius's slavers._

I hear Isabela mutter from behind me, "What have we gotten ourselves into this time?"

I call my magic to life, and cast a glyph of warding under Fenris. Surprised by the glow, he glances back, noticing me for the first time before turning back to Danarius. I wince. I hadn't meant to distract him, just help with a boost. _That was dumb, Norah._ I guess I should have noticed he didn't bring any mages with him. Hawke and Aveline both give me shocked looks. Them I ignore, continuing to brandish my staff.

The slavers are the first to attack. I sling spells from my staff, relishing the feeling of using magic again. A rush of power courses through me, and I cast Haste. Isabela takes up position at my side, but I know now from experience that she moves around the battlefield in the blink of an eye and won't be there for long. Hawke twirls into the thick of the slavers, using her long daggers in the slashing fashion I had witnessed before. Aveline rams her shining shield into a target, knocking him prone, and Varric pins him to the ground with a crossbow bolt from his beloved Bianca. Fenris attempts to get closer to Danarius, but is intercepted by another of his men.

I spot a female elf standing off to the side. She doesn't move, just stands there, looking sadly at the ground. _Who is that?_ _Is that really Fenris's sister?_ My thoughts are interrupted as I parry a dagger slash from my left with my staff, and get a few hits in myself with the bladed end. I cast a spirit bolt, hitting my opponent square in the chest. He loses his balance, slipping to the floor. Grasping a dagger in one hand, I move in and find a vulnerable spot, silencing him forever after one last wet gurgle. I sheathe the dagger again quickly and look for my next target.

Danarius is still standing in the back hallway, out of the fight, a barrier surrounding him. Blood magic from the looks of it. _Great._

I work my way closer, but I'm confronted with a shade. It pops out of the ground in front of me, startling me. I dodge backwards, nearly tripping over a chair. _This really isn't the best place for this fight._

I charge a fireball spell. I have plenty of anger and hurt to fuel it this time from my conversation with Anders just now, not to mention Fenris coming here without me. Unleashing the spell, I stun the shade with my first shot. Aveline runs in to take over, and I move on inward.

A rage demon rises between Fenris and I, all fire and lava. The Winter's Grasp spell freezes it and holds it steady as Hawke and Isabela put their daggers to good use. Another small movement forward.

Fenris has reached Danarius, but can't get in close due to the barrier. I can see a slight wobble in the magic, and I know what it means. "Fenris, his barrier is weakening. It's going to drop any second now," I call, and give us both a boost with another Haste spell. The barrier falls, and Fenris lays into him with his claymore. I throw a few spirit bolts his way. Danarius is on the defensive, but damn, he's strong. He disappears in another swirl of magic.

He reappears behind me, and I'm taken off guard. Before I can reorient myself, he twists my arm behind my back, and pulls me against him as a shield. My staff clatters to the ground.

I see Fenris's resolve falter, and I give him a tiny shake of my head, and mouth the word "no". _Okay, Norah, this is going to be difficult, but you can do this. You're familiar with the spell. Just focus. Control it._ I concentrate.

"I don't care what you do to me, Danarius, but you'll get Fenris over my dead body," I declare. _That's it, keep his attention on your words, and not what you're doing._

I see Fenris's eyes widen at my declaration, and I smile.

"That can most certainly be arranged, but I believe you have other uses," the mage whispers in my ear. Turning to Fenris, he says,"It appears I was mistaken. I thought it was the other one who owned you, but it seems this one is the one who has your attention. As I was saying, pet," he snarls. "The word is master."

"Not in this lifetime," I spit out. "I'll _never_ help you hurt him. Fenris belongs to himself."

Finally releasing the spell, I feel the cold of magic shoot up my back. It hurts, but I can't stop now. Danarius's body stiffens behind me. I can't move out of his grip, but I can still speak.

"Do it now, Fenris."

He moves behind both of us, and I see the blue glow from around Danarius's body.

"You are no long my master," snarls Fenris, and the glow intensifies.

I hear something hit the floor. The spell fades, and Danarius falls backwards. Unfortunately his arm hasn't released its hold, which means I fall with him, my arm pinned beneath me. I cry out at the pain in my shoulder. Fenris puts a boot on Danarius's chest, and rips the frozen arm free of the rest of the body. I stand, pulling off the offending limb and brushing off my skirt. I shiver. Looking over, I see the chilled lump that used to be Danarius's heart.

I turn to Fenris, but he is already storming over to the elf girl standing on the other side of the room.

"I had no choice, Leto," she says, her stance defensive. _Leto? His name is Leto?_ "He was going to make me an apprentice. I would have been a magister."

"You sold out your own brother to become a magister?" he asks, his tone furious.

"You have no idea what we went through. What I've had to do since mother died. This was my only chance."

"And now you have no chance at all," he growls, moving toward her menacingly.

"Elf," says Varric from behind him. "Don't. It won't help."

"Fenris does as he likes," comments Hawke.

The glow starts again. "I would have given you everything." He moves toward the elf girl.

I'm moving before I even realize it. "Fenris, please don't do this," I say and put my hand on his arm. The magic burns white hot, and I feel a searing sensation in my palm. He thrusts his hand widely, knocking me backwards. I land in an awkward way, hitting my head on one of the support beams. I see stars, and can't seem to focus my eyes. I don't try to get up.

I hear Fenris say again in that angry, gravelly tone, "Get out." I sense motion to the one side. _Good, please don't let him hurt her, he'll never forgive himself._

I hear the female elf's voice from behind me, "You said you didn't want this, but that's not true. You wanted it, you competed for it. When you won, you used the boon to have Mother and I freed. But freedom was no boon. I look at you now and think you got the better end of the bargain."

It's probably only a minute or two, but it feels like an eternity before my vision returns and the room stops moving by itself. I hold my non-burned hand to my aching head. Fenris stares down at me. He's covered in blood, and his expression is vague, confused.

"I thought you were going to tell me when you found her," I say to him.

"You were busy with your lover," he says, lips pressed in a tight line.

"I'm not with him anymore...and I told you I would come if you asked me."

He flinches, looks at my injuries, and looks away as if he can't bear to see it.

"Let's go," he says to someone over my head. "I need to get out of here."

Fenris leaves with Hawke and Aveline. Varric stays behind, with Isabela. He tries to help me up. I'm pretty short for a human, but the height difference still makes it awkward. Thankfully dwarves are strong and sturdy.

"Shit, Cookie, you do know how to make an entrance, I'll give you that," he comments.

"Yeah, Varric, I guess I kind of made a mess of things, huh?"

"Things were already a mess. But your timing could use some work," he adds. "You should probably give Broody a while to cool off." I nod in agreement.

I make it to my staff. Picking it up, I cast Heal, and am rewarded with the cool sensation of energy. I sustain the spell for a few seconds. I start to feel the fatigue, and I let it go. I'll still probably have a headache later, but my head and shoulder feel much better.

My hand, however, hasn't healed at all. I look at it, and see the all-too-familiar swirling pattern of vines burned into my skin. I remember touching Fenris's arm right as he tried to attack his sister. _The lyrium tattoos. They burned me?_ I feel like there's something I'm missing. I may have had a tutor from Tevinter, but the magic involved in those markings is beyond me.

"Come on, Cookie, I have some bandages back in my room," he says, looking at my hand.

The comment strikes me as funny. "Trying to get me alone? What will Bianca think?" I ask.

"You're right, she's usually the jealous type," he says, shrugging. "I think she'll make an exception for this." He gestures for me to follow. "We shouldn't be out here, anyway. We'll let them...er, clean up." The room is full of bodies from the fight, and Varric and I have to pick our way around them.

"By the Dread Wolf!" I hear Merrill call by the doorway. She's standing in the doorway. "Norah, what did you do?"

"Not my fault," I say. "I got here in the middle of it."

"What happened?" she asks, concerned.

Isabela gives her a look, "A big old sodding mess made by a stubborn elf, that's what." She walks over to me. "Are you alright, puss?"

"Mostly," I answer truthfully, and glance at my staff, which is still in my hand. Merrill doesn't react, which lets me know she already knew about my abilities. _Someone told her, but didn't tell Hawke or Aveline. Interesting._

Varric manages to bandage up my hand loosely, but it still hurts. "You should go see Blondie about that," he advises.

"Yeah, I need to finish my talk with him anyway. But I have news for everyone about Talon. I'll be be back later."

I walk back into the clinic and Anders sighs, seeing me.

"Norah we've been over this, I-" he says but stops and his expression changes. He's looking down at my hand.

"You're injured. What happened?" he says, immediately concerned.

"Anything to get out of talking about us," I lament, sighing in frustration. "Fine. I went to go see Fenris, expecting him to be having a nice chat with his sister. But he wasn't. Danarius was there."

Anders frowns. "That's not good," he says.

"You got that right. It was a disaster. There were slavers, and demons. Danarius himself was one tough son of a bitch. When it was over, Fenris went after his sister, who had tricked him into meeting her. I went to stop him, but then this happened. I thought his markings just made his body intangible. I had no idea it would do this."

"Never a dull moment with you, is there?" he asks. He peels back the bandages, and hisses when he sees the burn.

"I tried healing it with magic, and even drank a potion on the way here. Nothing works," I tell him.

He examines it with a practiced eye. "This looks like spirit damage. Norah...what were you casting at the time?"

"I wasn't, I just wanted to calm him, to make him come to his senses. I knew he'd feel worse if I let him kill his sister."

"Are you sure? Were you holding your staff at the time?"

"Well yes, but I don't see...wait, you think I cast something by accident?"

"It would explain what I'm seeing. Your spell must have conflicted with Fenris's markings somehow."

My mind races, and I'm flooded with memories: a drunken Anders clinging to my hand, Fenris and I sleeping next to one another to keep the nightmares away, bringing Bartrand back from the red lyrium, hugging a grieving Bethany. I'd thought I was just giving them comfort, but all this time, maybe those innocent touches had been something far worse.

"What are you thinking right now?" he asks.

"I think I've been doing it for a long time. I've been using magic on people and I didn't even know it." I'm horrified as I stare at my hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 51: Pressure

"I thought I was just comforting them, but I think I've been influencing people's minds this whole time, Anders. If that's true, I'm no better than a blood mage," I say, shame coloring my words. I feel a tear slide down my cheek. "No wonder Talon wants to find me. I thought it was about Cat, but it has to be this."

"Norah, stop," he says, putting an arm around me. "You have a rare gift, that's all. It's unusual, but I don't think it's evil. Your intentions were good, don't let doubt cloud that for you. Your talent is probably the reason Cat has persisted outside the Fade as long as she has."

Cat speaks up, "Norah, I don't think it's as bad as you think."

"I agree," says Anders. "I don't see this talent as any different than your music. You can create a better mindset, a stronger will with your song. This is just another manifestation. I mean, you and your gift are the reason I fight for mages. If you had been in a Circle, they probably would have wanted to make you Tranquil out of fear. But as far as I can tell, you've never harmed anyone with it."

"Except myself."

He looks away, his expression serious again. "What was that about Talon? You mean that pirate person, right?"

"Yeah, apparently my father works for him. Someone told Talon about me, too, probably Nikolaus. That's why Colette was so persistent."

"And why you left," he adds.

"Yes. I had to face her, but she was so pathetic I couldn't help but pity her." I look up at him and sigh. "I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left," I say.

"Don't", he says pulling away from me. "You don't understand. Things changed while you were gone. The injustices against the mages have grown. More and more Tranquil are being seen in the Gallows courtyard. I couldn't stand by anymore. Justice and I...I fear it's too late for anything we could have been, Norah."

"What have you done?" I ask gently.

"Nothing I want to involve you in," he says, and his brow furrows.

"Let me help you," I say.

"Maker, no. No, none of this will come back on you," he says, and I'm even more concerned. "No matter what happens, I'm glad I got to see you again. Loving you was the best wrong decision I ever made."

"Why are you talking like that? Anders, what did you do?" I ask, and a sick feeling starts in my stomach. He doesn't answer. "Damn it, Anders. Talk to me." When he still doesn't respond, I turn to Cat. "Cat, help me." She just shakes her head, her eyes downcast.

After a moment, Anders walks over to the other side of the room. "I have a balm that's specific to spirit damage. It should help."

He grabs a flask from the other side of the room. The balm does indeed help, and I watch as the skin starts to heal. After a few minutes, all that remains is a vine-shaped scar. _I guess I'll probably always have it as a reminder._

"Does it still hurt?" Anders asks.

"No, I think it's okay now," I say, flexing my fingers. "Anders…"

"Norah, just don't. You should go; I have work to do."

I sigh. "So that's my answer, then. It's over. I hope you're happy with your choice."I straighten my spine, and walk to the door. "Thanks for the salve, Anders. I guess I'll be getting back to the bar now. Varric will want to know what happened."

I take my time going back to the bar. _Anders was acting so different_. "Cat?" I call, and I see her shimmer. "Can you tell me what happened to him?"

"You saw him. He's losing himself, Norah," she says quietly.

I sigh. _We're really over. He won't even let me in, or tell me what's going on. Anders always trusted me before, even when he barely knew me._ I think about the promise I made to him, that I would be the one to strike the blow if he was too far gone. _But, is that what this is? Or am I just hurt because he doesn't want me anymore?_

"Cat, why didn't you help me back there?"

"Because this was never going to end well, Norah."

I nod, and wipe a tear away. _I can't get distracted now, I need to tell Varric and the others about Talon. No time for wallowing in self-pity._ I straighten my back and keep my head high. _Focus on protecting the friends you can._

Walking back into the Hanged Man, I see Corff overseeing the removal of the bodies from the main room of the bar. I give him a small wave. "Somehow I knew you'd be involved in this," he says, shaking his head.

"Not her fault," Isabela yells from across the room, walking over to join us. "What? That's what you said before."

"You back for long?" Corff asks.

"Not really sure yet. I just got back," I say.

"Let me know if you want your job back. It's tough finding help that will stay when things like this keep happening," he says, motioning to the blood stains left on the floor.

"Thanks, but I think my days of serving tables may be over."

"That's good, you were awful at it," quips Varric from behind me. "Got my drinks wrong for months," he says in a low conspiratorial tone.

"Seriously guys?" I say, but laugh, regardless. "And that was intentional, I'll have you know. I was an excellent barmaid."

"I don't really have much to compare it to," says Merrill, ending that line of conversation.

"How's the hand?" Varric asks. I show him the scar. "Broody isn't going to like that. But you said you had news. We're all ears, Cookie, what is it?" he asks.

"Well, If my aunt is to be believed, my father works for Talon," I confess. "That's why Colette kept sending people after me: he was threatening her. She says he wants to capture me, but I'm not sure why."

"Do you think your father is one of those mindless goons?" asks Isabela.

"I don't know. I mean, my father was a templar, so he might have had some immunity to magic."

"Your dad was a _templar_?" Varric asks, guffawing. "That's going in the book."

"So we're going to see more of that bastard and his people," Isabela says. "I mean, I wanted to get back at him for what happened to Marco. I knew Marco, and he wouldn't have willingly served him like that. But puss, I don't want end up like one of his men. Maybe it's better if we stay out of his way."

"I know. I came back to warn everyone. I made you all a target, and I'm sorry. I don't think leaving will help with this one. I mean for starters, I don't even know where to look for him. I just know he'll try again eventually."

"But they lost their way to track you now, right?" Merrill asks.

"As far as I know," I acknowledge. "Colette could have been lying. She was a master at it; I might not have been able to tell. I looked around her place a bit before we left, and I didn't see any signs of more vials. If Talon knew about them, though, he probably has at least one. Not to mention I'm back in Kirkwall, one of the last places his people found me. I'm not going to be hard to find as it is."

"Are you thinking of leaving town again?" Varric asks.

"I have thought about it, but with or without me here, you are all in danger," I admit. "I hate the thought that he would try something after I left. I'd rather be able to be here to fight him with you."

"Yeah, I'm kind of on his shit list at the moment, too," says Isabela. "But I do have a ship now," she adds, flashing her teeth in a wide smile.

"That's fantastic!" I exclaim. "I'm really happy for you, _Captain_ Isabela."

"I think I'll stick around for a bit longer. I'm not used to friends like you and Hawke, it's kind of nice."

"Why are you lumping me together with Hawke?" I ask, not happy at the thought.

"I'd trust both of you to watch my back, and that's saying something," she says. I'm surprised she doesn't make some kind of dirty comment again about it, but she seems to be sincere without joking for once.

"Thanks," I say, acknowledging the compliment. "I don't think my life would be as much fun without you either."

"Merrill, I'm glad to see you too," I say, remembering how we'd parted. _I need to apologize._ "I'm sorry things went the way they did with our trip to your clan. I know it's no excuse, but I was desperate to find a way to help Anders."

"No, I think I knew that, Norah," she says, her face sullen. "But none of that matters now."

"Why? What happened?" I ask.

"My clan is gone," she says, and chokes back a sob. "I tried to help them, and they couldn't believe in me. Keeper Marethari...she allowed herself to be possessed by the spirit that had helped me. She thought she was saving me. They're all dead now. If only we had never found that mirror..."

"Oh Merrill...I'm so sorry. I should have been here for you," I say. I sit next to her, and would have put an arm around her, but stop myself. I don't know exactly how my ability works. _Cat seemed to know more, I should talk to her when I get a chance._

"Varric?" I finally ask when Merrill seems calm again.

"Yes?" he asks.

"How's your brother?" I ask. _Might as well get all of the news._

"About the same. Sometimes I wonder if we really did the right thing, bringing him back. But I still think I'd make the same choice if faced with it again. They may be nug-shit crazy and homicidal, but you only get one chance at family."

"Isn't that the truth," I say. "I thought I was going to kill my aunt. I never thought I'd pity her."

"Can we all go back to being happy about my ship?" asks Isabela.

"Yes. Thank the Maker for some good news for once."

After a time, Merrill stands up. "I need to get back to the Alienage. I can usually find my way around now, but it's harder after dark."

"I'll walk you," says Isabela.

I watch the two of them walk out. Turning to Varric, I ask, "You don't suppose the two of them..."

"Oh yeah, for a while now. I think it started after the thing with her clan happened."

"Oh," I say. "Didn't see that one coming. It makes sense, though. They've always been close."

"Yeah. Speaking of, what was that with you and Fenris?" he asks.

"Things got...complicated in Orlais, but I'm not sure anymore. I know Hawke went with him, but I think I should go check on him." _And, if I'm being honest, I want to see him._

"Just be careful; he was pretty heated tonight," he says. "He may be more broody than usual."

"Yeah, but I still want to go. Thanks for worrying about me, Varric. You're a good friend."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 52: Truth and Promises

AUTHOR NOTE: This is a NSFW Chapter

I don't think I've ever been more nervous than I am knocking on Fenris's door. It's already getting late, and I don't know how he's going to take me showing up unannounced like this. _Breathe. Inhale._ I knock.

He answers after a few minutes. He looks at me, then around behind me. "You came alone?" he asks.

"Well, Cat is with me, but yes. I wanted to talk to you," I say. "Hawke's not here?"

"She left a while ago. I had planned to come see you in the morning," he says. "I owe you an apology." He reaches for my hand; I back away shaking my head.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to touch me right now," I tell him.

His expression falls, and I see the guilt there. "No, no, Fenris, I'm not scared of you. I didn't mean to...I know what happened was an accident. Maker, I'm making a mess of this. Can I come in?"

He frowns in confusion, but opens the door and allows me to enter. Cat materializes after he shuts the door behind us.

"Hello Cat," says Fenris. She smiles.

We're both quiet for a few seconds.

"Norah, I don't even begin to know how to apologize for what happened. I was so blinded by Danarius and my sister's betrayal...and then you were injured, by my hand. It was too much, and I'm sorry."

"I know you didn't mean for that to happen," I say. "It's like the tunnel was for me, I get it. I forgive you." _I really want to comfort him right now, but I can't. Once he knows, he probably won't want me to touch him ever again_. I gather my courage. "But there's something I need to show you."

I walk over by the fireplace to have better light. His expression is confused, but curious as I uncurl my fingers away from my palm and show him the scar. He pales, recognizing the pattern. "That's not possible. The markings have never done that before."

"No, this isn't your fault, it was mine. I didn't know I was doing it at the time, but apparently I can cast spirit magic by touch. Something about it didn't react well when you were using your markings," I say, and wait for his reaction.

"You were casting magic on me?" he says, wary. "What did you do?"

"I'm not really sure. I just knew I wanted to stop you from hurting your sister. I knew you would regret it, so I wanted to calm you, clear your head. I guess my magic read that intention and tried to pass it on to you."

"Fasta vass, mind control? That's blood magic," he says, and I hear the disgust in his voice.

"No, it isn't blood magic," says Cat. "It's something unique to Norah. A special gift I haven't seen in any other mage." _Maybe I should have stopped home before heading here so she and I could have talked more about it._

"Trust me," I tell Fenris, "I wasn't happy when I realized what I had done. That's why it isn't a good idea to let me touch you. I think I may have been doing it for some time without realizing it."

Awareness dawns on him. "Then the reason I could sleep with you next to me, was..."

"My magic, yes, I'm pretty sure. I wanted to help you with the trauma and nightmares, and because I happened to be touching you at the time, the magic followed. Anders likened it to what I do when I sing. I think it's as good a comparison as any."

"Can you control it?" he asks, wary.

"Until today, I didn't even know I was doing it. So, probably not, at least not yet. It's only happened when I want to help someone. Like a healing spell, or a bard song."

Cat speaks up again, "I'd say it works similarly, giving a boost to mental resilience and will. It doesn't seem to have hurt anyone so far. Well, except for your hand, Norah."

"So far," he repeats, taking a step back from me.

"It's alright, I won't touch you if you don't want me to," I say, and I catch myself. _That's what I had said when the despair demon was showing me the dream version of Fenris. Had it known more than I did?_ I look down at my hands. "I'm sorry, Fenris." I let my hands drop.

"So it...did it make me... _want_ to touch you?" he asks haltingly. His awkward vulnerability in that statement makes me smile.

"No," I said, blushing. I can't look him in the eye. _That's what he'd been worried about?_ "I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works."

"Oh." His expression is calmer, but he, too, seems embarrassed to have asked the question. He runs a hand through his hair. "And the same for you, it didn't make you want to..."

"No, that wasn't magic, that was just me."

"Right. So right now, my wanting to kiss you is my own idea," he says, and I see the warmth in his eyes as he gets closer.

I give him a small smile. "You're not scared of me?"

"Ask me that again tomorrow," he says, and finishing closing the distance between us, and brings his lips to mine. In that one split-second of contact, arousal spreads like wildfire, and the rightness of it tells me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

"Fenris," I sigh and kiss him back passionately, wrapping my arms around him. He steps backward, guiding me toward him, never breaking the kiss.

I'm a little startled when he leans backwards, but realize he's moved us to the large armchair and is now sitting on it. I glance back to check, but Cat isn't in the room anymore. _Smart girl._

I grin, and pulling my skirts up around my thighs so as not to be in the way, and move to straddle his lap. Our lips meet again. Pulling back, I look at him, and he is gazing up at me with such tenderness I feel like my heart is going to break.

"I want you Norah, but I want you to be sure," he says. "I do not want you to regret this."

"I only have one regret, Fenris," I say, and smile when his expression goes serious. I finish by saying, "I regret not saying the words back to you that last night in Orlais."

He pulls my face down close to his. "You still haven't said it, you maddening woman."

"Haven't I?" I laugh, but then look at him. "With everything that happened, it took me a long time to understand just how important you've become to me. But today, when I found out about this new power, and thought you would hate me...I realized I can't bear the thought of a life without you. I love you, Fenris." I lean down and brush his lips with the mine in the lightest of touches. He responds in kind, giving me wonderful teasing kisses, telling me again how he feels without saying anything.

"Mmn, you're good at that," I murmur when we break away.

"Then perhaps I'll have to show you more things I'm good at," he states, and stands up, carrying me with his hands under my thighs. I cry out at the sudden movement and cling to his shoulders.

"No, I'm too heavy, put me down," I plead, nervous at the precarious position.

He laughs, and walks with me like that into the other room. "You've seen the sword I carry. I'm no weakling. You weigh no more than a feather, anyway."

He sits me down on the edge of the bed, and after another quick kiss, moves to remove his armor.

"Let me help," I request, going to him, eager to touch him again. We've done this part before, and it feels familiar. I help remove his armor, piece by piece. When we set the last piece aside, he looks at me, his eyes locking on mine. _This is the same look he gets in the mornings. Trusting. Oh, Fenris._

I reach out and touch his face with my finger tips. He pulls me into an embrace and holds on as though he never wants to let me go. I savor the feeling of his emotion. Loosening his arms, he reaches for the laces of my dress. I lower my hands, and allow him to undress me. The gown drops to the floor and I'm left standing in my chemise. The room is warm enough, but I shiver in anticipation, bolstered by the memory of spending the night sleeping in his arms, the barest of touches, whispered promises left unanswered. In a moment of honesty with myself, I admit, I've wanted this for a long time.

I back up again, bumping into the bed. When I reach it, I recline and beckon for him to join me. "No more holding back," I say, sliding backwards.

"No more regrets," he says back, as he climbs onto the bed. He doesn't move over me, however, as I had expected, but leans down between my thighs. He kisses my knee, then my thigh, moving the hem of my chemise upward. He uses his mouth to trail gentle kisses along each new revealed area.

Reaching up under my hips, he slides my panties off in a smooth motion and I'm exposed to him. Bowing his head down again, he uses his mouth in a different way.

"Oh Maker," I cry, hands grabbing fists in the sheets next to me.

He chuckles, pulling away from me to mutter, "I don't think he can help you here." He returns to his attentions from before. I reach down with one hand to touch his silver hair, whimpers of pleasure coming from me.

"Fenris, yes," I call out, feeling the pressure building inside. The sensations he creates with his lapping motions radiate throughout my whole body. I moan. "I'm going to come."

He says nothing, but intensifies his efforts. I break, and shudder in his arms.

He stands back up to remove his breeches. I adjust my position, sitting again on the end of the bed, and lift the chemise up to my hips. By then he's back next to me, and helping me pull it over my head. I laugh at the sensation of it, but raise my arms and let him take it off me. When I'm free, Fenris meets my gaze. His eyes look downward at my naked flesh. We've held each other close before, but this is the first time he's seeing me.

"Beautiful," he says, his green eyes meeting mine once more.

I reach for the bottom of his tunic, wanting to be rid of his clothing, too, to feel his skin against my own. His tattoos are clearly visible now, and more beautiful than ever as his shirt rises. I let go and allow him to take over, as I'm transfixed by his lower body. I lean forward in my seated position, wrapping my arms around his waist, and plant a kiss on his stomach. He hisses at the unexpected contact.

I tilt my face upward to look at him. From this angle, his body looks so strong. I want to taste him. Sensing my intent, he stops me with a hand.

"Another time, Norah, I want you now," he says softly. I crawl backwards onto the bed, and he follows. Moving over top of me, he parts my legs with one knee then both. I raise my legs to give him a better angle, nodding my consent again to him.

His lips crash into mine again, hungry and fierce, and I feel the head of him part my folds. His hips pull back and he thrusts forward again, burying himself inside me. My mouth breaks away from his with a gasp.

"Yes, give yourself to me, Norah," he groans in my ear. I cry out with each long smooth motion, wrapping my legs around him, holding him prisoner.

"Don't stop," I plead, throwing my head back. He bends his head to my neck and I feel the gentle graze of teeth. Another demon vision similarity, but I'm beyond caring. I want him to dominate me the way he had in the vision, to take me. Thinking about what came next, I raise my arms up near my head, and he responds by pinning them down. The intensity is surprising, but I can't deny that I want this.

I make small pressured sounds of satisfaction as I near another climax. I look up and see my own passion mirrored in his eyes. _Make me yours,_ I silently beg him. He picks up speed, his thrusts reaching all the way to my core. I mumble his name nearly incoherently as I reach another orgasm, a prolonged pulsing that seems to go on for eternity. He continues, joining me a few seconds later in his own release.

He lets go of my wrists, but doesn't move otherwise, our mingled breathing harsh in the silence of the room. Rolling away from me after a moment, he lays on his back in the dim light cast from the fireplace in the far room. I turn to my side and watch him.

 _Something is wrong,_ I think. His breathing seems to be calming a little, but he's staring up at the ceiling. I try saying his name. He doesn't respond, confirming my belief. _Shit._ I'm reminded again of the demon vision. I reach out to touch him. "Fenris?" I call again, hesitant. He moves then, flinching away from my hand.

"Ugh, you're stubborn when you're like this. Alright. If I can't touch you, then I still have one trick left up my sleeve. I'm here, Fenris, and I'm not leaving."

I start to hum. Quietly at first. Not the lullaby - I don't think I could bear to bring that memory into this place. No, this song is not really anything special, just a tune I remember from when I was young.

His breathing slows after a while, and he starts blinking more. I risk reaching out to touch him again, and he allows it this time. I hold his hand. Soon, he's turning to me, confused, but his eyes are clear again. I allow the song to stop.

"Are you alright?" I ask, concern in my voice.

"No, I...the memories. They came flooding back for a moment." He pulls his hand away from me. "You used magic again."

"Yes," I say. "You were lost, staring into nothing. I wanted to help you."

"Magic destroys all it touches." _Ouch._

I pull my hand back into my lap and wait. _Don't overreact, Norah. That's his trauma talking, not Fenris_. He's still recovering from whatever he was going through just now. I sit up, and swing my legs over the far side of the bed. I reach my chemise and pull it back on. It's bad enough having this conversation, I don't need to feel more vulnerable by being naked.

"Norah," he says, and I look back. He's turned toward me, his expression worried. He reaches out for me. "I'm sorry, come back, please."

"I know, Fenris. I wasn't going anywhere, just giving you a little space."

"I don't want space, I want you here," he pleads, and opens his arms to me.

Sighing, I curl up next to him, comfortable again in my place under his arm, my own wrapped around his mid-section.

"Do you want to talk about it now?" I ask.

"I know much of what happened to me already, but seeing it is a cold reminder. Earlier today, none of it really mattered anymore. Norah, I didn't think I had anything left after what happened. I'd defeated my tormentor, I should have felt victorious, but it just felt empty. And after I saw you lying injured, I knew I had destroyed the one good thing I had left in my life. I felt so alone."

I give him a squeeze.

"Seeing you on my doorstep changed everything," he says. "I had already planned to go to you in the morning, to beg your forgiveness, promise you anything. And yet, here you were, wanting to be there for me, the one who did that to you."

"So what happened to you just now, after we...?"

"I could remember Minrathous. Being a slave. Danarius. I remembered his touch," he says.

"Oh. That I can understand. What can I do?" I ask.

"Just stay. Don't leave me."

"Why would I leave? I love you," I say. "You want me here, right?"

"More than anything."

"Then I'm happy. We'll work our way around the rest. So we're both a little broken, it doesn't have to be perfect. It's enough."

"It was perfect. _You_ were perfect," he says, kissing the top of my head. I look at up at him, and we share a kiss.

"Can I stay the night?" I ask.

"I want you to stay every night," he comments quietly. I smile into his shoulder, and settle in for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 53: Plans

I hear Fenris whisper my name quietly in the middle of the night, rousing me from my sleep. I feel his fingertips tracing over the lines of my scar on my palm before moving up my arm.

"What is it?" I ask, turning my face toward his, but I'm silenced with a kiss. His fingers move on to more interesting places, trailing down my chest. I give a moan of contentment, letting him know I'm awake now and enjoying his touch.

"I spent so long not being able to touch you...I need to have you," he mutters.

"Yes," I say, giving permission. I sigh in pleasure as his hands find my breasts. The darkness in the room and not being able to see him only seems to intensify the feelings of his hands stroking my flesh. We make love again in the dark, eager bodies responding to each other. When it's over, we cuddle close to one another, any clothing or sheets long since tossed aside, leaving only skin touching skin.

"You give me urges I didn't know I had," he whispers.

"Hm?" I ask, sleep already stealing up on me.

"I once told you that I'd never pursued anyone before," he says. "I never wanted to. But there's something about you, the way you look at me...you make me feel powerful. I've never really known that feeling outside of battle."

"Did you really just compare sleeping with me to fighting?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, although he can't see it in the darkness of the room.

He strokes my hair, and I imagine he's smiling. "I suppose I did. Truly, I do feel as though I'm at war with myself—I want to be gentle with you, but at times I want just the opposite, I want to conquer you, make you my own. It's an unfamiliar thought."

"But not an unpleasant one," I say with a small chuckle. "I think I might enjoy both." I run my fingers along his side, the curve of his hip. "No memories this time?"

"No," he says, tightening his arms around me.

"Good. It's still early, we should get some more sleep," I comment.

The next time I wake, it's to a knock on the door. _But, that's not what it sounds like when someone knocks on my door_. I'm disoriented for a moment before I remember that I'm in Fenris's bed, not my own. He's still beside me, sleeping soundly, his expression relaxed and peaceful. The knocking continues. _I should probably wake him._

I nudge him gently. "Fenris," I say. He mumbles something and rolls over, facing away from me. _Damn it, he's too cute in the mornings._ I try again. "Love, there's someone knocking on the door."

He stirs a bit more at this, looking at me with half-lidded eyes. "Norah? What is it?"

I hear footsteps in the room next door and barely get the covers over us in time before the door bursts open.

"Fenris, are you alr-" Hawke demands, cutting off when she sees us. "Oh, I...sorry"

"Good morning Hawke," I say sarcastically, my cheeks aflame. "Would you mind giving us a minute?"

She blushes, and my request takes a moment to register, but she quickly closes the door again after that.

"I'm never going to hear the end of this," Fenris says, groaning.

"Eh, let 'em talk," I say, my tone dismissive. "Good morning, Fenris. Or should I call you Leto now?" I tease.

"Definitely not. That part of my life is over. Fenris will do." He smiles, leaning in to give me a quick kiss, then slides out from under the covers. I take a moment to appreciate the view as he stands up before moving to get out of bed myself. I dress quickly. No sense in a repeat scene with Hawke. I straighten my hair as best I can, but I'm pretty sure it's beyond help after our activities last night.

I finish pulling on my boots, and look back at him. He's dressed and ready as well.

We head back out to lounge, and Hawke is waiting. "I need to talk to Fenris about something," she says, her tone implying that my company is not welcome.

"I'll be on my way then," I say.

"What are your plans for today?" he asks me.

I sigh. "I need to check on Anders. He was acting really strangely yesterday and I didn't get to tell him what I learned from my Orlesian friend," I say, careful not to mention Leliana's name. "I'm going to stop at home first to change, and head to his clinic. I think I'll bring some things over later, if that's still okay."

He nods. "I'll meet you at your place around lunchtime to help you carry your things," he says.

"See you then," I say, leaning over to give him another kiss. He accepts it, but somewhat awkwardly, being in front of Hawke. It's cute. I smile at him before walking toward the door.

"Norah," Hawke says, stopping me. My name sounds strange and unfamiliar coming from her.

"What is it?" I ask.

"If you're going to see Anders, can you tell him to meet me at my home later? I need him for something today," she states.

Fenris gives me a warning look. _Fine, I can play nice this once._ "Sure thing, Hawke," I say, turning back around.

I make the trip back to Lowtown. I stop at the fruit vendor and pick up a couple of pieces of fruit, one familiar, and another new one. This one is a cluster of berries in a dark blue color. I'm not sure what to make of it yet, but Cat will be interested. I thank the vendor, and pop a few in my mouth as I head to my place. They're tart, but tasty. Cat's familiar shimmer follows next to me.

I turn the key in the lock, and open the door. I shriek as I see someone standing in the dim interior of my home. He grabs me around the waist and claps a hand over my lips.

"It's just me! Will you stop screaming?" Anders says.

I stop struggling and stand still. "Maker, you scared the daylights out of me," I say after he removes his hand from my mouth. After a minute, I add, "Anders, I'm not going to try to you hit you now, you can let go. Well, unless you deserve it, of course."

"Deserve to be hit or deserve to hold you?" he asks, but lets go. _That sounded like the old Anders. Best not to respond to that._ I remember instead an image of Fenris rolling over in bed with his messy hair, and smile.

"Are we doing the fruit thing today?" he asks, looking at the breakfast I'd bought.

"Anders, what are you doing in my house?" I ask, but offer him some of the tart blue berries I'd purchased earlier anyway.

"I...wanted to check on your injury," he answers. The hesitation is enough to tell me he's lying. "I couldn't very well stand around outside, I'd be spotted, and I still had the key, so I figured I'd wait for you here." He pops some of the berries in his mouth, and makes a sound of approval.

"My hand is fine," I say, flashing my palm to him. I open the window shade and let in a little more light. My place is still dusty. "Sorry, I haven't really been here but a few minutes since we got back. I haven't had a chance to clean the place up yet."

"You spent the night with Fenris, then," he says, looking sad for a moment, before the blank expression is back. I gesture for Cat to give us a few minutes. She disappears.

"Yes," I admit. "Is that why you really came?"

"No. No, it's better this way. At least I know you'll have someone to care for you after..."

"After what, Anders? Why won't you just tell me what's going on?" I ask pleadingly, reaching out to touch his arm. Immediately on contact with my skin, Anders reacts, stiffening and hissing in a breath. His eyes meet mine, but it's fear that I see.

"I'm sorry," I say, moving my hand away.

"No, please, do it again," he says, grabbing my hand and putting it back. "My head was finally clear for a moment."

 _There he is again, the old Anders._ "Cat says you're losing yourself. Is it true?" I ask.

"I don't know. At times I feel like myself, but I have more and more gaps in my memory. I remember you coming into the clinic, and your injury, but I don't remember you leaving. And was I holding you a bit ago? It's all kind of a jumble."

"Anders, the clinic was yesterday," I say, worried.

He nods, frowning. "Your ability - it's helping, with Justice. Can we sit for a while?"

I don't have much more in this house than I do in my safehouse. The only place big enough for two people to sit together is the bed. _This is awkward._ I sit at one end, and I'm surprised when Anders lays down next to me, putting his head in my lap. I place my hand on his shoulder, but don't make him get up.

"And about the holding thing? How long ago was that?" he asks hesitantly.

"You had your arms around me a few minutes ago, but not in the way you think. You startled me and I screamed. You were trying to keep me quiet."

"Norah, do you remember your promise to me?" he asks, changing the subject.

"Of course I remember," I say. "I also remember you promised not to give up, that we were going to free you and Justice from the binding. I went all the way to Orlais to get rid of the threat of my aunt, and managed to find something that might actually help you. But you didn't even want to hear it."

He pauses, absorbing that. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks, looking up at me.

"Not physically, no," I admit. I turn my face away.

"Oh," is all he says. After a couple of minutes have passed, he speaks again. "I'm sorry to burden you with this," he says.

"I'm still your friend, if you'll let me be," I say with a sad smile. "Will you listen to what I learned now?"

"Please, yes," he says. I stroke his hair.

"The Avvar have a ritual that can allow a willing spirit to leave its host. It will take a journey to them to ask, but there's hope, Anders."

"Hope," he repeats. "What if Justice isn't willing anymore?"

"We can cross that bridge when we come to it, I suppose. Are you feeling alright now?" I ask.

"Better," he says smiling up at me.

"Oh, I'm supposed to tell you that Hawke needs you for something later," I comment, remembering. "But I think it's better if you don't go. You look like you haven't slept in a long time; maybe you should just rest.

"No, I should go. But, can I stay here a little while longer?" he asks.

"Of course."

"And will you sing for me?" he asks.

I frown. _This feels too familiar, but the fear I saw in him earlier scared me. I can at least do this for him._

He leans up and allows me to stand before laying back down. I pull a chair over by the bed and hold his hand, to keep the magic going. I hum to him for a while, and it isn't long before he's drifted off to sleep.

 _What am I going to do about him? At this, rate...will I really have to do it?_ I whisper for Cat. She shows up a minute later. I look at her questioningly, and she whispers back to me, "Anders is still in there, but it's not good, Norah. I take back what I said when you met him. After you gave up your vengeance, I think you were a good influence on Justice. You're probably what kept Anders stable so long."

I quietly get up and begin to pack up a few of my things. Fenris will be coming in a bit to help. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about Anders, but I know what he'll say. He won't understand my desire to help him.

I'm just finishing when Anders stirs on the bed. I glance over. He seems confused. _I'll take non-angry emotions right now. Justice can stay away for a while, for all I care._

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Good. I think you were right, I needed to rest."

"Will you tell me now about what you and Justice are doing that has you so worried?" I ask.

"No. Norah, I told you I don't want you involved." _I'm losing him again._

I sigh. "Aright, Justice, you win for now. But I'm going to talk to Fenris about that trip to Ferelden to see the Avvar. I'll get you there, Anders, if I have to drag you kicking and screaming."

Anders doesn't get to respond as there's a knock at the door. _Fenris_ , I think, and smile to myself. I remember the one night he walked me home from the bar, and realize he's never been inside my place before.

I open the door, and let him in. "I went by the clinic first, but didn't see anyone there," he says, stepping inside. Immediately upon seeing Anders, his expression goes cold. "What's he doing here?" he asks.

"Leaving. I need to go meet Hawke," he announces, collecting his things. He approaches the door, and looks at me. "Where will the two of you be today?"

"Fenris is helping me move some things into his mansion. So probably Hightown, why?"

"Good, just...be careful," he says.

I narrow my eyes and him and cock my head, but he's already walking out the door. He turns back, and holds out something in his hand. I reach out mine, and he drops the key into it. "It's probably not good for me to have this anymore, considering." With that, he takes off.

"Norah," Fenris starts.

"I know," I say. "Can we stop by the Hanged Man for lunch? There's something I want to talk to you about."

"You're saying it that way again. You want something."

I shrug. We head the couple of blocks to the bar. I've only packed a few of my belongings, and the bar is on the way. Entering the bar, I see that Isabela is in conversation with Corff, and Varric is gone again. _Probably with Hawke and Anders,_ I think.

After settling in at a table, my belongings piled next to us, I decide I need to just ask him. "You were right, I do want something. I'm worried about Anders. My power was helping him for a while today, but he's not well. Leliana told me that the Avvar have a ritual that might help him and Justice separate. We have to get him there. I know it's soon, but would you be willing to undertake another journey with me?"

"With Danarius dead, the only place I belong is at your side. But you ask a lot, Norah."

"So, that's a yes, then?" I ask, grinning.

Whatever he was going to say next is drowned out by the loud sound of an explosion. A red light is cast in through the doorway of the Hanged Man.

Fenris and I run outside, drawing our weapons as we go. Isabela isn't far behind us, and I see Cat's outline next to her. Corff peeks out through the doorway.

Looking up toward Hightown, two twin spires of magical light shine up into the sky from the vicinity of the Chantry. _Anders,_ I think. "Oh Blessed Maker," I say, my mouth agape. _This had been his plan?_

"Cat, do you know where Hawke is?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"You know something," Fenris accuses. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure, but I think Anders may have had a hand in this. He hinted that something was coming, but he wouldn't tell me what. He's with Hawke; we need to find them."

He grabs my wrist, holding it up, "And what do you intend if you find him?"

"I...I don't know. I promised I would kill him myself it he was too far gone. I need to see him," I say.

"Merrill went with Hawke today, too. I swear, puss, if your ex gets her killed..." mutters Isabela, joining us.

"I talked to Hawke after you left this morning," Fenris says, letting go of me. "I think I know where she was headed."

"Please Fenris. If nothing else, you want to go help _her_ , don't you?"

He sighs. "Alright, but stay next to me. She went to the Gallows. There is bound to be outright war between the mages and templars, and we're going to be walking right through it."

"You're right," I acknowledge. "No time for armor, I guess. Come on, Cat, let's go."

Lowtown is a war zone. Flaming debris falls from the sky, setting fires all over the city. Screams can be heard from a few streets away. We see our first abomination just a block over. It strikes a templar down, his armored form landing in front of us. I use Winter's Grasp to slow the abomination's pace, and Fenris cuts it down quickly. We move on down the street, toward the sound of more screaming. _This is worse than the Qunari uprising_ , I think.

Heading down the street toward the docks, I see Cecily and Verna, the mages from the mine, cornered by two templars. I cast a glyph of warding under myself and take a few steps forward, but stop dead in my tracks when I see Verna's shape grow and change. Her form twists into an abomination. _No! I'm the one who made them go back to the Circle. This is my fault._

I use Haste to speed up our actions. I have a little experience fighting templars now; it's given me knowledge on where the weak spots in their armor are. I grab my daggers and run in. With a wide swing of the dagger in my right hand, I ram it up into the space underneath his helmet. I feel the pressure of hitting his skull and wince as I feel it slide in. I give the dagger a firm yank, and it comes out, bringing a few bits of bone and other softer materials with it. The templar falls over, unable to stand, keening in a high-pitched whimper of pain.

The second one turns to face me, but gets hit with a spell from Cecily. I don't know that one, but it's something lightning-based. _Nice._ Fenris takes advantage of his distraction to reach a glowing hand through his chest, pulling the heart back out with it.

"I love it when you do that," I tell him.

The abomination hasn't waited for me to finish, taking a swipe at me. I swing both daggers across each other in an arc, but it backs away from me, right into Isabela's blades. It rears up, clawing wildly at the new threat. Cecily to the rescue again with an ice spell: this one shoots a ray of ice forward, which catches the creature that had been Verna, freezing her solid.

"I'm sorry, Verna," I say to her, and step back for Fenris to take the final blow.

I kick the first templar's sword away from him. He lives, but he's not much danger now in his condition.

Cecily looks at the three of us. Well, Cat's there, but still in hiding. _I don't want to give away her presence if I don't have to._

"You're an apostate!" shouts Cecily in her high-pitched voice. "That makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. Oh, poor Verna...she made me run with her when it first started."

"You should get out of here; it's not safe," I tell her.

"I think it's safest with you right now," she says, eyeing Fenris, Isabela and I.

"Fine, but if you go all lumpy abomination, I'll never forgive you."

"Are you sure about this?" asks Fenris.

"Better numbers can't hurt, and we haven't seen any of our other friends yet."

That's when Sebastian comes up the stairs from the docks.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 54: Friends and Foes

Sebastian marches up the stairs from the docks, and spots us with Cecily. "Sebastian," I yell out, catching his attention. "Where's Hawke?"

"Do not speak to me of that woman. I-" he cuts off, seeing me with a staff, standing next to the mage, Cecily. "More maleficarum," he growls. "Enjoy your empty victory while you can; when I return, my armies will see to it that there is nothing left of Kirkwall." He storms off.

I'm left there, mouth agape. "Holy...I wonder what that was about?" _Sebastian had always been at least polite to the mages in our group._ Then it dawns on me. _The Chantry...Grand Cleric Elthina must have been inside when it went up. But he's angry at Hawke. Does that mean Anders is still alive?_

"We need to get to Hawke," Fenris concludes.

I nod. "You're right; we need to know what's happening."

We head down the stairs and onto the docks. Merrill is there, and runs to Isabela, who folds her into her arms. Seeing them together makes me smile.

"There's no use going that way," Merrill says. "The Gallows are locked up tight. Luckily, I was able to get out of there in time."

"Then you've seen Hawke?" I ask Merrill.

"Yes, but she's done something terrible," Merrill says. "Meredith called for the Rite of Annulment. Hawke stood by her, although the Circle had nothing to do with the explosion."

"The Rite of Annulment? You mean the slaughter of everyone inside the Circle! Bethany's in there, how could she?" I yell, my anger getting the best of me. _I bet Justice can sense me now._ "We have to get in there, Fenris. You know there's only one way. Will you help me?"

"Yes," he says. I send him a look of gratitude.

"Is that spot on your ship still available?" I ask Isabela.

"Absolutely, but I can't wait long. My ship is anchored a bit up the coast in a small cove. I know the docks themselves at the Gallows are closed, but I can send one of my crewmen out to look for you if you need a ride."

"That sounds perfect! Thank you Isabela."

"Don't thank me yet; if he doesn't see you, he's totally coming back to the ship and leaving your ass there."

"Still more than I had. Wait." I stop and turn to Merrill. "Was Anders with Hawke when you saw her?" The expression on her face makes my hope drop.

"I don't know what happened to him," she acknowledges. "When Hawke sided with the templars, I had to get out of there, but last I saw them, he was telling her he was ready for death."

"If he's alive when I find him, I am so kicking his ass for this."

"Not if I reach him first," Fenris states.

Cecily goes with Merrill and Isabela to the ship to wait for us, and Fenris, Cat and I head for the only other way I know to get into the Gallows.

It's better this time, going through the narrow passageways. I think my anger is keeping any fear in check. Fenris keeps checking on me, but I reassure him that I'm alright. We know the terrain now, like knowing that the bridge is sturdy enough to carry our weight, and where the drop-offs are. We make good time up until the final tight cave. _I've got this,_ I tell myself, and plunge right in. I take it as quickly as I can. I make it through without stopping, and emerge on the other side. I'm breathing a little heavy, but otherwise fine.

"Are you ready for this?" asks Fenris, coming out behind me. I pull my staff up and adjust my grip, then nod.

We climb out of the fireplace into the room that was previously empty. Now the floor is covered in blood, and the bodies of mages. There are a few templar bodies as well, but this was clearly a massacre. I look over the faces, and I'm glad to not find Bethany. _Have they captured her?_

We go through Orsino's study and out to the main stone plaza of the Gallows proper. I see Bethany and Hawke standing together next to a giant...something. _What the hell is that? Well, it's dead, obviously._ Varric and Aveline are with them. A blonde woman in dramatic silver armor stands at the exit.

"Back away from her, Meredith," commands Hawke. _Meredith, of course._ I signal to Fenris to hold up. We hide in the shadows.

"I see. Have it your way, then, Champion. I will meet you in the courtyard." Meredith turns on a heel and leaves with her templar guards.

I step out of the shadows and run down the stairs. "Bethany!" I call, and she looks up. "Don't you touch her, Hawke," I yell.

"I'm not about to hurt my own sister," she says in that sarcastic tone that makes me want to hit her.

"What is wrong with you? You sided with that lunatic Meredith?" I ask.

"Norah," Fenris says from behind me.

"No, Fenris, she allowed the Rite of Annulment to take place, murdered innocents."

"Not all innocents," he says, looking back at the mangled mess of the...whatever that thing was.

I frown at him.

"It's clear where your loyalties would lie," says Hawke, pointing to my staff. "I'm just doing what I can to minimize casualties."

"By putting your own family at risk? And where is Anders?" I ask, my tone hot.

"He fought well enough against the mages, so I left him to his fate after that," she answers.

"You bitch! WHERE IS ANDERS!?" I growl, going toward her, with every intent that this time I _will_ smack that look off her face.

Aveline steps up beside Hawke, shaking her head at me. Varric just sighs.

"Norah, this is not helping," Fenris says.

 _Breathe. Inhale._ "Fine. Where is he, Hawke? Where did you leave him?"

"He was in the courtyard last I saw him. I'm headed that way anyway," she says, and walks out. Aveline and Varric follow. Varric glances back once before leaving, confusion written on his features. _I didn't mean to make him pick a side, but Hawke was wrong._

"Bethany, are you alright?" I ask, a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, but it was awful, Norah. Orsino..." she trails off and looks at the hideous dead thing behind her.

"No," I say, realization dawning on me. That thing had been Orsino, the kind mage who'd been my mother's friend. "Stubborn fool. He always said he would protect the mages, whatever it took."

"Let's get out of here," says Fenris, looking around. I nod, and take position in front of Bethany. Fenris falls in behind her.

We follow where Hawke had gone. Cat is hiding again since there are others around, but I see her glow over by Orsino, and I know she's thinking about him too. _We'll have time to grieve later._ She joins us as we exit the Gallows through the now open portcullis and enter the courtyard.

Meredith and her templars have stopped Hawke, Varric and Aveline. Meredith is saying something. I get a little closer.

"How can I trust that the mighty Champion of Kirkwall is not a worse threat to this city than the Circle?"

"Is helping you destroy the Circle not enough?" asks Hawke, confused.

I have no further time to stay for their conversation, but I'm not surprised Meredith turned on Hawke. _That woman is a menace. I need to find Anders, and get Bethany out of here._ We stay to the right of the plaza and are nearly out of the gates when I see Knight-Captain Cullen looking over at me, and eyeing my staff. I shrug, and grin awkwardly. I expect him to raise the alarm, but he doesn't. He just shakes his head and turns back to Meredith. We file out of the gates quietly.

That's when we see Anders. He's sitting on a crate near the docks, his head in his hands. I slow my pace.

"You two can go on ahead," I tell Fenris and Bethany. "See if you can spot Isabela's boat. I don't like the idea of having to go back through the city. Cat, you keep watch and tell me if anyone is coming. I need to talk to Anders." It feels strange to be the one giving orders. Normally Varric, or Aveline, or even Isabela would be the one making decisions. _It's a good plan, Norah. It will work. It has to._

Fenris looks at me, and doesn't budge. _Fine, he can stay._ Bethany nods, and heads down the pier.

Anders hasn't moved. There's a knife sitting next to him.

"Anders?" I ask hesitantly.

"Norah...I felt you coming this way. I didn't want you to see me like this. I've been sitting here trying to build up the courage to end it."

"Oh no you don't," I say, grabbing the knife away from him. "You don't get to go out the same way my mother did." I toss it away. It slides across the dock, and falls over into the sea. He flinches.

There is a commotion from up at the plaza, and I hear the sounds of a fight. _Sounds like Hawke and her friends are fighting the templars_. Cat gives us a gesture saying we're still okay. I turn back to Anders.

You need to keep your promise, Norah. I can't do it myself."

"Not yet. I don't believe you're gone."

"Justice's purpose is fulfilled; all I have left is despair."

"I have something stronger than despair," I say.

"Please don't say hope. I don't think I have the strength."

"Well, if I was going to say it, I can't very well now, can I?" I tease. "How about curiosity, then? I always liked her better anyway."

I walk closer to him. I bend over, putting my hands on my knees, and lean in to talk to him. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" I ask.

"Yes. I removed any chance of a peaceful resolution. What I did...I did for all mages. I asked Hawke to kill me, but she wouldn't. I helped her against the very people I wanted to protect. I don't expect to be forgiven. No, I have to die."

The fighting escalates from the plaza, and there is the flash of red light from time to time. _Is that magic? Who left up there has magic?_ Cat looks worried, and gives me a motion to hurry.

"He wants to die, Norah. I say kill him and be done with it," Fenris says.

"No, Fenris...not yet." I say, shaking my head. His jaw ticks. _I know he's not pleased, but I have to do this._

"Anders, listen to me. You know what you did? You created a world where no one can tell us what to do anymore."

He looks up at me, tears streaking paths down his face.

I reach out and lay a hand on his shoulder, continuing, "Word of this will spread, and the other Circles will rise up. You made it so we can go where we please, and fight anyone who tries to stop us. So one day mage children can be raised in a loving home and not in prisons or cages. You started this, Anders. You need to live to see it. Aren't you curious?"

"We need to go; things are getting bad with Hawke and Meredith," Cat comments.

"Where can I possibly go? No one will offer me mercy now," Anders says.

"A certain captain has offered us all space on her ship. We can go to Ferelden, and see the Avvar. But you have to choose to get up, Anders." I straighten up. "Will you come with me?" I ask, extending my hand out to him.

He hesitates a moment, but takes it.

Cat joins us a minute later. "Hawke defeated Meredith, and the other templars are acknowledging Meredith's madness. She used red lyrium."

"Meredith did?"

Cat nods.

"Definitely time to go then," I say.

Fenris looks at Anders holding my hand and shakes his head. "This requires touching?" he asks.

"Just for now, Fenris."

Fenris walks up to Anders and before I realize what's happening, punches him in the jaw with a right hook. "That is for dragging Norah into your mess."

Anders rubs his jaw, but does nothing else but nod.

We walk to the end of the docks. A small boat is waiting, and someone extends a gangplank to the dock. As we're getting into the boat, Hawke walks out onto the pier with Varric and Aveline just behind her.

"Leaving already?" Hawke asks.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 55: Final Decisions

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the last chapter of the alternate ending. I'm working on a sequel, but it will follow the main story events, not this one. Writing an alternate ending was just for fun. Thanks for indulging me!

"Hello _Champion_ ," I say, derision obvious in my voice.

"Bethany," she says, ignoring me, "where are you going?"

"Sister," Bethany starts, "I can't stay here, not with what happened to the Circle. How long will it be before they turn on me, too?"

"They're talking about making me viscount. I could protect you," Hawke protests.

"Not even you can be everywhere," she says sadly. "I think I'm better off with the others like me."

"Merrill and Cecily are with us, too," I state. "Apparently I'm collecting mages."

Anders laughs at this. I squeeze his hand, happy he is able to find some humor again already.

Hawke turns to me. "You'll look after my sister?"

"Of course. I've been Bethany's apprentice for some time now. She's like family to me."

Hawke looks at her sister with a surprised expression. Bethany shrugs. "The First Enchanter asked me to," she says.

"I'm only sad Orsino didn't make it," I say to Bethany. "He was friends with both your father and my mother in the Circle."

"You never told me your mother was in the Gallows," Bethany comments.

"Oh, Maestro, then do I have stories for you..."

 _Speaking of stories,_ I think, looking to Varric. "You're staying, aren't you?"

"Yeah, Cookie, Hawke's going to need someone with connections around here if she's going to be viscount. It's a tough seat to fill in this town."

"I hear there's a vacancy for a new Red Jenny if you need help," I suggest.

"Already way ahead of you. What, did you think I just wrote books while you were gone?" he asks, as I gape at him in surprise.

I laugh. "Good luck,Varric."

He gives a small bow his head, and says, "Same to you, Cookie; looks like you're going to need it."

Aveline stands next to Hawke, her expression neutral. "Aveline, thank you for all your help," I say. "Your post as guard captain makes it obvious what you'll choose."

"Yes, my duty lies with the city. Farewell, Norah. Take care of Bethany for me," she says.

"I will," I reply.

"And keep that one out of trouble, will you?" she adds, referring to Anders.

"I'll try. We have a plan, anyway," I say, and Anders nods. _Good, he's on board now._

Hawke has been looking at Fenris. Neither of them are saying anything.

"Fenris, this is your decision," says Hawke. "But are you sure? I could really use you around here, you know."

"It has been a pleasure knowing you Hawke, but my place is with Norah, regardless of how foolish her current venture is," he says, smiling. I give a small laugh, and feel a weight slide from my shoulders as he stands a little closer to me.

"Goodbye Hawke. Listen to your friends, they're good people," I say.

Hawke nods.

The boat pulls away from the dock, and Hawke's form standing on the pier is eventually out of our sight.

Before I know it, we're pulling our small boat alongside Isabela's ship. It's hard to imagine it was such a short time ago that I'd been happy to step off a ship and be back in Kirkwall, only to be so relieved to be getting back on one now.

We take turns climbing the ladder to the deck. Anders finally lets go of my hand and heads up the ladder, leaving Fenris and I as the last to board. He doesn't move.

"What is it?" I ask.

"A ship full of mages? And this time with no Circle to stop them from their own inherent weaknesses. This is madness. I hope you know what you're getting us into."

"I'm just glad to hear you say 'us'. I was worried you would want to stay in Kirkwall," I admit.

"A future with you is worth the risk. Danarius was right about one thing—I _am_ yours," he says, smiling.

"Then I'm yours, too. No regrets," I say, returning the smile.

He gestures toward the ladder, and says, "Ladies first."

I glance down at my skirt, and back up at him. He grins, and I laugh. "Such a gentleman," I say sarcastically. "Well, you did say you wanted to pursue me. So how about you give chase?" I say, and hurry up the ladder. I hear his chuckle behind me as he follows.

Isabela gives me a hand over the side when I reach the top. There are men on deck, preparing for our departure. "You found a full crew already?" I ask.

"Well yeah, I couldn't exactly sail away with the bunch of you who lot who wouldn't know your port from your aft," she says, laughing. "But you'll learn."

I look over the deck and see the others standing near the railing. Anders gives me a warm smile. _I'm glad he's alright._ Fenris comes up behind me and curls a possessive arm around my waist. I look up at him.

"Please tell me you don't need to touch him anymore," he says.

I smile. "Maybe a little, but I promise to touch you more," I say back. "In fact," I say, leaning in closer and whispering as to not be overheard, "I still want to do that thing you stopped me from doing last night." He leans his head against mine.

"Madness," he says again, but softer this time. "You made a good point earlier that I had not thought about, though."

"What's that?" I ask.

"Any children we have could turn out to be mages," he says. "It's not something I had considered."

"Hey, it runs on your side of the family too," I point out.

"Indeed. Family. It is a nice thought," is all he says.

"Do you think you'll seek out your sister again some day?" I ask.

"Perhaps. What about your father?" he questions.

"Oh him, definitely," I say. "The Avvar first, but I want to know what happened to Ser Aron to make him leave my mother. We'll figure it out; I'm pretty resourceful."

"Always the curious one," he says, chuckling.

"I'm not alone in that," I say, indicating where Cat's shimmering outline can be seen near the others. The words strike me, and a smile crosses my face.

"What just went through your head just now?" he asks.

"I just realized something. Neither one of us ever has to be alone again." I lean against him. He traces a finger along the lines of my scar as we look out at the horizon.

"I only want to be alone with you," he says, amusement in his voice.

"I think we can arrange that," I say, turning to give him a sweet kiss.

Thus the story of Norah the Barmaid ends, and the story of Norah the Sailor begins.


End file.
